There are some days that you feel like you’ve got the world wrapped around your finger. You wake up in the morning and things just feel right, like you can shoot for that personal best you had a few weeks ago. Those are good days, but that isn’t today. Because for every one of those days I have, I usually have four or five days where I just feel like things aren’t going to click together at all. I compare these days to working on a 1000 piece puzzle where each of the puzzle pieces are cut exactly the same. Oh, and one is missing, you know, just to add that extra “umph” to the kick in the stomach. Those are the days I just feel like I could hop in the car, point it in a direction and drive away. Its the days where I feel like I’m the King of Wasted Effort.
Let me explain. Have you ever been in that mode where you are just giving something your all? We call it try-hard mode. It’s when you are really after something and you’ve pulled out all the stops. It’s when you spend countless hours trying to figure out how to make that one thing that doesn’t work, but needs to work, actually work. Try-hard mode is reserved for the special occasions. For the things that really matter. And it also sucks when it doesn’t work out. I’ve been in try-hard mode for the last couple of weeks about something, and it isn’t working out.
I’m to the point where I’m afraid I just want to stop trying because all of my effort has gone to waste, hence the King of Wasted Effort. I’ve been in to someone lately and I’ve been trying everything to be the person that stands out, and I honestly just don’t think it is working. I’ve been met with what I thought to be interest, but I believe I’m slowly starting to feel that the interest may just be that halfhearted stuff that you do when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. That’s the kind of realization that sucks. And it sucks in a lot of ways because you can look back on everything and realize that it was there the whole time.
I think the bad part is not knowing for sure. I can handle someone not being into me, that’s fine. Clearly I can handle someone being into me, that would be even better. But it’s the seeming to be, but not at the same time. Like one moment it’s there and the next it isn’t. Which I’m concluding is actually me just thinking it’s there and it not being there at all. And that’s a really “bleh” feeling. Again, it’s okay for someone to not be into me, but having to really discover that on your own based on nothing but guesses gets a little tiring. It doesn’t help that it is cold, dark, and generally one of those mopey times of the year.
I seriously need a pick-me-up.
