I have a theory about telling someone that you love them. It may not exactly be true, but I think it holds true in most of the cases I have been in. Simply put, telling someone you love them is a bad idea.

Love is a game changer, as it should be, but it isn’t the actual process of loving someone that changes things. It’s the acknowledgment of that love that causes so many problems. People can sense when you love them, they can feel it, they usually have a good idea of it, however if you do not tell them about your feelings they do not have to do anything about it.

Normally when you tell someone you love them they have been waiting for you to say it, holding back because they feel the same way, but are afraid that you don’t feel that way towards them. I find it odd that fear is often a component of the scenario. Why should we fear to tell someone that we cherish them? Because they aren’t going to feel the same. At least we think that. Truth is a lot of the time the case is that the other person obviously reciprocates those feelings.

The problem lies in the fact that we have all had the situation arise where the person you are amorous towards does not feel the same way. And then the problems begin. I’d like to think that I am alone in the fact that most of the people I have fallen for have not felt the same towards me. It sometimes feels that I am, but I know that I am not. I know I have had it happen to me though, a lot.

First you must understand that I am not pitying myself. I am the person I am today because of the experiences I have had in my life. For good, or bad, each one has changed me and shaped me. Second, I do not fall in love easily. It is true that I am a hopeless romantic. I am most definitely in love with the notion of love. As I have gotten older, though, I have realized that I am picky about the people I fall for. That being said, most of those I do ultimately cross that boundary with do not feel the same for me.

I cannot tell you the number of times I have been told that I am a very wonderful person. Fun to be with, I make them laugh, I show them a good time. I listen to them, I’m so sweet and attentive, I make them feel special. These are all things I have been told. But all of these are followed by something to the affect of “but I don’t feel that for you.” I have always been so very curious about that. How can one person inspire feelings in someone else that are desirable traits in a life long partner but not be suitable for that role?

Perhaps they are lying. Maybe they aren’t actually seeking those things and so it wouldn’t make sense for them to love someone who creates that type of feeling. Maybe they are lying about actually feeling those things. Perhaps it is just the cosmetic fluff that makes the heartbreak that much easier to handle, at least to them. I am not sure what the answer is, but I am very aware of the end result.

All of these things can be avoided if you never tell them. Maybe it would be even better to just not fall in love. I guess that is possible, since I seem to find people who aren’t interested in it. Maybe one day after I hear the litany of praise and compliments that spells the end of our relationship I will ask them how they do it. Then I too can hide my heart away so it will never be hurt again.