I am finding there is something about me that is very resistant to the truth. I just don’t believe things sometimes and I end up being stubborn about it. It has to be a very annoying trait to those I deal with on a regular basis. I’m not sure why I have developed a staunch disdain for giving up, but it is there and really kicking right now. A part of me knows that it is more than pointless to try, but I have to.

I’m so tired of being passive about things, tired of not pursing the things I want. This applies to so many things, not just my current situation. I should have published a book by now. Why haven’t I? Not because I’m a terrible writer (okay, I’m not great but I think I can tell a story), not because the story isn’t there. It’s been in my head for years now, and I could more than likely sit down and just finish it, but I haven’t. I’ve started several times, deleted what I had, and given up. Why? I think I convinced myself that it wasn’t going to work, and I believed myself.

If you care about something you do whatever it takes to accomplish it. There are a lot of things I care about right now, and I’m letting them slip through my fingers. Why? I’m not sure, but I don’t want it to happen anymore. I am not okay with this.