When I was young I was told that if I had a dream and I spent every bit of myself working toward that dream I would eventually achieve it. It’s funny how as a child you are so enamored with concepts of purity that you think that this could actually be true. I recently watched a movie that spoke about how ideas were infectious, and once planted in the mind they would grow of their own volition and end up sprouting. I think the idea of chasing a dream is in that realm, for me. Constantly in my life I have been reminded of how untrue that fable really is, that dreams are just that, something that  you strive for but is ultimately impossible. I dreamed I would be an astronaut, a police officer, an FBI agent, an amazing writer, a chemist, the list goes on. I dreamed that I would make a difference in the lives of others, and that I could touch them through just being who I am. I dreamed the American dream, that I would find someone who loved me and we would have the white picket fences. Those dreams all died in their own time, some of them lasting only a brief moment, others persisting until the dread reality of life closed in upon me.

The part that hurts the most about losing a dream is that eventually another will take it’s place. Is it Human nature to chase that which is unattainable? Is it something we are driven to do because we still feel that childhood mantra will come true if only we repeat it enough, if only we believe harder. Clap your hands so Tinkerbell will live! Believe Peter Pan! The truth is, that Tinkerbell would die in this world. Belief in dreams is suspended as we take our first walk in the world. We see that not everything is as beautiful and simple as our childhood minds wished they would be. Astronauts make up less of the population than I can even begin to calculate, police officers get shot and bleed, FBI agents become obsessed with their work, my words touch only myself, chemistry is much harder than what you learn in high school, and the list of disappointments goes on. But for every disappointment that falls upon my shoulders, I adjust the load, bear the burden, and wait as a new dream grows in my heart.

Will I spend my life chasing something that is unattainable? That is the question of the hour, of the day, of the month, maybe even the year. The truth is, I cannot imagine my life without a dream to chase. So I will continue to chase the dream that is in my heart, and I know it will lead me to pain, heartache, and disappointment, but maybe this time it won’t. I say that with such hope in my being, not because I feel as if this will be the one time that my dream will come true, but because that is the way of dreams. I had such hope for all of my dreams, and no matter what happens, if this dream is not realized, I will chase another dream with such fervent hope that it will seem I have desired this thing for all my life, and that if it is denied to me I will cease to be. Passion is something that cannot die, not when I am watching the flame.

This and more at Synaptic Thought.