Last week I had a nightmare. Nightmares are interesting to me because they are the few times in my life where I actually feel fear in it’s most concentrated form. Granted, there are things in my life that I am afraid of, but mostly that just reveals itself in the form of worry. I tend to think a lot about stuff that is going on and the ways I should handle it, and what will happen if something goes wrong. Nightmares are the one time that I usually feel myself freaking out.The nightmare itself was very simple, I was laying down talking to Amy, and she pointed something out to me asking me what it was. When I turned I saw a translucent outline shimmering against the light coming from the window. In the dream I felt a terror so palpable I couldn’t move. I’m not sure if this translated to the real world or not, but I have a feeling it did. The feeling was so real of being trapped, of not being able to move or do anything about my situation. When I awoke it was the classic scene of sitting up with a loud gasp.
This type of thing doesn’t happen to me often, as my dreams tend to be more subtle in the way they bother me. As I said, I tend to worry about things, and work over them in my head. My dreams tend to reinforce thoughts like that, by just letting that simple little thing actually happen that I’m worried about, and then for a brief moment I have to live through the reality that has been created. I hate these dreams more than nightmares, as they tend to spill over into my waking world and usually bother me for days afterward.
Even now I can feel the fingers of my latest dream sneaking around in the background of my thoughts, hinting at the subtle possibilities that more than likely are rooted in my own feelings. To me this is the worst type of terror imaginable, not the shocking, powerful fear that is there for that instant, and then fades away into explanations of a dream. It is the slow, creeping uncertainty of having one’s dreams become a reality. When the worry solidifies and you realize that it could actually be truth. It makes me sometimes hate thinking.
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