In 1789 the U.S. Post Office was established. The first pieces of mail are still set for delivery, it’s believed that they will arrive within the next couple of years, but the recipient will be subject to a heavy fine for the incorrect amount of postage over the last 220 years.

In 1857 “Simon Boccanegra” by Verdi debuted in Venice. Ahh, the opera, confusing people for years with a story nobody can understand, but everyone pretends to know what’s going on while we all just really wait for it to be over with. The price we pay to be cultured.

In 1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. And back then you didn’t have to freaking pay an arm and a leg for them! It costs a $1.25 to buy a coke out of the machine here in our building. $1.25?! It costs less to feed a kid in Africa!

In 1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of infantile paralysis. “Yes, dear, I do believe dropping the baby several times will, in fact, paralyze it. We’ll just say it is some strange disease nobody understand.”

In 1959 the US House joined the US Senate in approving the statehood of Hawaii. In celebration, everyone visited and had a two week long vacation. The adoption of the state was really jealousy that we didn’t have any really cool islands like other countries.

In 1998 astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid might collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off by 600,000 miles. Desperate men everywhere cried that night, put the pictures of the beautiful women they were going to use the “This could be our last chance” line on away.