In 1629 England’s King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it back for 11 years. In America the system is somewhat different, we elect officials to represent us, then they leave for a number of years and we never hear from them again. Unless they want money to be re-elected. Go democracy!

In 1656 in the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all free men regardless of their religion. Why exactly do we call it suffrage? Was it to discourage all of the people who couldn’t vote that it wasn’t really something they’d want to do. “Are you sure you want suffrage? It sounds pretty painful…”

In 1804 the formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. That’s right, remember that. A third of this country came from Louisiana. And what do you guys do? Divide it up, and stick us at the bottom of the pile. We’ll remember that when we get all our land back. Yeah.

In 1880 the Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. England’s ultimate plan: save us to death. Then they’ll get back the colonies. We must recognize the Salvation Army is a finely trained group of people trying to break this country by having you donate to a bell ringing Santa. Stop the madness! The war is over! Send the Army home!

In 1924 the US Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding late-night work for women. That’s right ladies of the night, you can’t work the street corners after 10 P.M. it’s the law.