Have you ever felt like you were being conned? It does not matter the context, but rather the activity. It may have been by a friend just trying to comfort you by using false words, or by someone else maybe trying to get your money, or by whatever means it happens. I’ve been conned before, and it sucks. The details are not important, only that this was not one of those money related cons, I didn’t send ten grand to Africa to get my inheritance from my long lost family. What does matter, however, is the act. It is something I’m not proud of, to be perfectly honest. My mind is the only tool I have, and if it is rusty and can be tricked, what does that say for my future? Since that time, I have had a terrible time trusting people. I guess it is just my misfortune that in my life I tend to draw the people that want to be dishonest to me, for whatever reason. The one major event caused me to inspect every detail of everything that is ever told to me so that I can find the treason, the mutiny of truth. Mostly this has ended with no recourse, as generally the world is honest. Occasionally, however, I run across something that doesn’t add up, and then I look into, and pick on it, and delve deeper, until I know the truth. Often the truth is not something I really wanted, but I couldn’t tolerate the lie. So I end up miserable, lost in the fact that I was lied to, and that the truth, while honest, is maybe not the best reality. The question is, do we all lie? I know we’ve all told lies, but do we lie about things that matter because the truth is possibly too much for people to handle. Because of my past, I hate lying, I abhor it. It makes my skin crawl to know that someone would hide the truth with fallacy, and then I cannot trust that person again. What if they keep lying?
The problem is that sometimes I want to believe the lie, or am not sure if the lie is really a lie. It drives me to want to polygraph everyone I come in contact with, to have that solid proof that I’m not eccentric, that perhaps everyone does lie, in their own way. The truth is, I could be more trusting of people. The reality is, I won’t be. Oh, I’ll pass things off that sound like excuses as the truth, I’ll accept what people say, but in my heart, I’ll always be waiting for that next big bombshell to come through the roof and destroy the foundation of what I am.
