The nagging feeling has returned…the one that says there is something more to this world than the everyday existence that I live right now. I guess I am battling wanderlust again. I just have this strange desire to go out and live. You know, experience the world. See places, meet people, do things. I know I’ll never be able to do that, but it would be nice to be able to. It is funny how we work as humans. Ever ask someone who grew up in a big city where they’d like to live? Most would answer that they would like to live in the country, while those who grew up in rural areas say they want to move into the city. Strange how we seem to always crave the things we don’t have, or can’t have. The human heart is so complicated, and I can’t even begin to explain my dreams. I know they will always remain dreams. I know I’m not going anywhere, and I am sure that if I did, I would miss home and end up wanting it more than being a trendy jetsetter. I just wish I could understand what motivates me. Sometimes I think I have life figured out. Business Leadership talks about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and sometimes I think I have things pegged, and I am moving up in the pyramid…then I realize I’m still stuck on level one, and self-acualization is so far away. And what is worse is I fear that maybe I’ll never reach it. Sure…not a viable trait compared to the B-Values, but it’s how I feel. Yah, if that didn’t make sense to you, it’s ok, I’m just beginning to understand all this myself.
The bike is calling out my name right now. Telling me to hop on and discover some new part of the world that I’ve yet to see. I’m almost afraid that this feeling will never go away. That I’ll never be able to settle down in one place for any more than a few years before I suddenly get this urge to go see what’s going on somewhere else. Not a great life to live, and most assuredly not a way to raise a family (Hah, I’m on like step -1 toward that goal). Maybe it will calm down after school. Anyway, it’s getting late and my ability for congintive thought is slowly fading into boolean responses (yes/no). 😛
