My grandfather is back in the hospital. He has stopped eating, and hasn’t really eaten anything for days. My dad says he has given up, and told my mother that he wants her to play the piano at his funeral. He sits in bed all day and cries because of the complications. My dad told me to be ready to head that way any day now for the funeral. Unless something happens soon, things aren’t looking good. I guess he is ready to go home, and I can’t blame him. The past couple of months have been so rough on him. I just pray he doesn’t suffer. I keep praying for the Lord’s will in this, and I guess this is what he wants. So for those of you out there who can, just pray that things work out as God wants them. And pray for my family, that they have the strength to make it through this rough time. I know I didn’t get along well with him, but I just never thought he would actually die. Sometimes we get this idea that our loved ones will be around forever, then when we realize the truth it is too late for us to make up for time lost.

I know I have been in a funk the last couple of weeks, and this is why. I haven’t told many people what is going on because I figured if I ignored it, it would go away. The truth is I am afraid, and I let that fear turn into anger and depression, so I have been treating people very badly the past couple of weeks. I really have to apologize to everyone, and a couple of people in particular. Those who need it know who they are, and I promise that I may not be able to do it now, but one day I’ll make it right. Until then, everybody just please be patient with me. It is hard to be happy and cheerful when you know something bad is going to happen and there is nothing you can really do about it. My heart is breaking, and I am afraid I have alienated most of my friends because of my attitude, just when I need them most. Pray for peace.